I came across a post today that read: if you had no audience, would you still make art?

This felt like a very important question for me to answer, especially in this day and age with the pressure of consistently "showing up" or otherwise be forgotten.

I realize that this is a public post, but I am genuinely here to reflect on and answer this question for myself to gain clarity on what to do next.

I am currently in a place of limbo with my art and business, knowing in my heart that I am ready for expansion, ready for new. I am craving the unexpected, the uncomfortable and the uncertain because finances have held me back long enough from evolving.

But the questions still stands: why do I make art?

I could just not make art.

I could read what's already been written.
Wear what's already been sewn.
Marvel at what's already been drawn.
Listen to what's already been composed.

But why create if not for money or recognition?

I make art because I am getting to know myself again.

When I was younger, the prospect of being an artist as a "job" was never an option. Art was a hobby, maybe even a talent, but certainly not a career path.

This belief was deeply engrained in me that even when we started our business and I was the sole painter, I could never say out loud that I was an artist when asked what I did for a living. I could only bring myself to say that I ran my own business because this answer was still money oriented.

And now after many years of repeating these lies to myself, I am finally brave enough to break free of these false beliefs and embrace who I am: an artist.

Now, along with these beliefs, I also lost touch with my style and essence, because my mind was constantly busy with solutions to how I will make my next pay check. I forgot what made my heart sing, what stirred feelings of joy and wonder in me without the dollar signs attached.

But what I realized is that every time I picked up my paintbrush or broke off a piece of clay, I allowed an inkling of my younger self, my true self to come through.

We say art is expression, but it is also permission. And with every creation, however small, we allow another piece of ourselves to be seen, understood and accepted.

It is so deeply healing and transformative. And that is my why.

What's yours?

Hillary xo